Author: stormsinteacupsblog

midnight phonecall in the distant future

he’s crying. it’s a number i don’t recognise because he’s changed phones and ignored me for so long.

i recognise his voice though, as soon as he starts talking through his sobs. he’s not exactly saying sorry. he’s mostly begging for forgiveness.

because after 14 years, it’s dawned on him. what he did. he’s wracked with guilt and he’s paranoid. he wants me to promise not to say anything.

he wants me to tell him he’s a good person.

i sigh. because i really. don’t. have the patience for it.

i got over it several years ago.
and i hang up.
without saying a word.

ashamed

i am ashamed
that i cared so much about someone

who cared so little.

i am ashamed that i put my entire self-worth in his hands
and that i was naive enough to be shocked when

he broke it.

shattered it into tiny little pieces and then stepped back as if to say

what did you do that for?
look what you’ve done now.
clean it up then.

i thought i desperately needed his confirmation
but what i really needed

was my own.

i owed him
absolutely
nothing

and somehow, i still ended up with a debt to pay