step by step
we match each other’s stride
there will be no chasing here
i’ve done all my running
and my legs are tired
i collapsed into your arms
your bed
your heart
and you let me
you held me
when i fell apart
there’s never been a “will they won’t they?”
it’s always been a “yes”
no mirrors or smoke
or jumping through hoops
just
my safety net
in the storms of all my heartbreaks
in my cloudy sky
you’re blue
it’s not what i was running from
but you
i was running to.
i chased you
in a toxic bid to feel better
i chased you
but to you
i was just an escape route
a getaway driver
a one way ticket
when i had counted on a return journey
and that’s how you left me
once you’d got what you needed
where you wanted
in those muggy streets
that, oh, should’ve been mine
alone
you rode my high
let my waves carry you
further than you’d ever been
don’t chase after things you don’t need
in hopes you’ll feel something you don’t want to feel
because i guarantee you
you will.
do other girls think about it too?
this isn’t a game,
or a coming-of-age,
i think i’m in love with you.
it’s all consuming, this dizzying head rush
i think about most girls
and that i haven’t explored this world,
i just want to know how it feels, to feel your touch.
soft lips, freckles, soft skin,
twirling your fingers through your hair,
you act like you don’t care
that other people think it’s a sin.
i fantasize about you all the time,
and does it make it less true
that i haven’t yet kissed you,
would that make it less of a crime?
but we have kissed
a performative dance,
the lights dimmed, the room swayed, and i took my chance.
“it didn’t count, you were joking, you were pissed”.
and so it went on for years
a party trick, or a self-deprecating joke.
i’ll keep it a secret, all mirrors and smoke.
my heart already hers.
but from 13 i knew,
it wasn’t a strong jaw or strong arms
that could keep my heart,
but a colour the warmest of blues.
stormsinteacups 