heartfelt deception

i feel like i’m starting to move on,
slowly.
i don’t want to jump the gun.

but i think of you less.
and when i do it doesn’t hurt so much,
or send palpitations into my chest.

i see a picture of you now on facebook,
and i think the rose tinted glasses have been lifted, ever so slightly.
and instead i see a fully grown man
who still hasn’t learnt to be open with his emotions, and show sincerity.

and isn’t that sad?
that 4 years on you still handle your emotions the way you did with your ex, before me.
bury your feelings and hide from them,
until it reaches boiling point,
and it all gets thrown out to sea.

the pain in my chest has lifted,
ever so marginally.
that’s progress
and i’ll take that
gratefully.

because it’s taken a long six months to get here,
and i’m not even half way there yet,
not even close, nowhere near.

but i’ve put my foot on the path in the right direction,
and i feel like i’ve made a decision,
to get over,
move on from
such heartfelt deception.

comfort in the clouds

I take comfort in the clouds
they can be thunderous and torrential, fuming, screaming through the trees

and fickle

bursts of bright blue, the wind drops,
the skies paint watercolours with the remnants of the tempest

i’ve felt like those skies today
the ones outside my window
rain followed by birdsong
thunder by calm
gales by whispering leaves

a dear friend once reminded me
there is always blue above the clouds
no matter how grey
how ominous
how oppressive
it must end
there must be clear skies somewhere
if not just now

but i like storms
i think it’s in my nature

i like to feel the sky darken
hear the pressure drop and the air shift
to witness nature loosen its reins
branches whip
rivers burst
the skies cry

blue skies may be lovely
but storms make beautiful sunsets