i saw the title quote embroidered on @kingsophiesworld instagram page. it struck a chord with me. and i started to write. if it sounds like i’m still hurting, it’s because i am.
do not blame me for how you chose to mistreat me.
i was crazy, obsessive, up-tight, emotional, needy.
or maybe you were a disloyal, manipulative, disingenuous, pathological liar? a using, cheating narcissist?
the words that came out of your mouth were
“this is your problem. the way you have reacted is your fault, not mine”
even my “friends” protected your behaviour. because you were the good guy. the sensitive one. “you totally over-reacted to the way he behaved.”
to my face.
paraded her around in front of me a week after we’d broken up, like a fucking trophy and then lied. said “no she has a boyfriend” and “she’s staying in my spare room”.
YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A SPARE ROOM.
you then pretended like i’d made that part up. said “why would I say that, my new house doesn’t have a spare room?”
WELL YOU’VE SUMMARISED MY BONE OF CONTENTION PERFECTLY THERE.
but no, you’re right, it was my fault.
you played the boyfriend card very well. you must be proud.
taking me out for dinner.
cooking for me.
inviting me round spontaneously but telling me i didn’t need to bother getting ready because i was beautiful in my leggings and big jumper.
telling me you missed me.
letting me cook for you.
watching harry potter with me.
refusing to show affection in public.
because you’re not
that type of person.
well, you were
that type of person
a week later when you couldn’t keep your hands off her.
i expect you didn’t think your boyfriend game would be so effective.
but sure. it was my fault for falling for it. my fault that i thought you cared. my bad. wrong end of the stick. crossed wires.
i was just tiding you over, wasn’t i? i walked straight into your trap and all you wanted was someone to fuck until you made the move on the girl you really wanted. isn’t she lucky.
don’t make me collateral damage in your endless quest to massage your augmented ego.
i should’ve known,
thinly veiled as a compliment.
Do not blame me
for how you chose
to mistreat me.