do other girls think about it too?
this isn’t a game,
or a coming-of-age,
i think i’m in love with you.
it’s all consuming, this dizzying head rush
i think about most girls
and that i haven’t explored this world,
i just want to know how it feels, to feel your touch.
soft lips, freckles, soft skin,
twirling your fingers through your hair,
you act like you don’t care
that other people think it’s a sin.
i fantasize about you all the time,
and does it make it less true
that i haven’t yet kissed you,
would that make it less of a crime?
but we have kissed
a performative dance,
the lights dimmed, the room swayed, and i took my chance.
“it didn’t count, you were joking, you were pissed”.
and so it went on for years
a party trick, or a self-deprecating joke.
i’ll keep it a secret, all mirrors and smoke.
my heart already hers.
but from 13 i knew,
it wasn’t a strong jaw or strong arms
that could keep my heart,
but a colour the warmest of blues.